Unpacking Behavior: What Drives Actions and Reactions?
Every behavior is a form of communication. Whether it’s a child throwing a tantrum, a teenager withdrawing from family, or an adult avoiding social situations, behaviors are not random—they are messages. Understanding behavior as a form of communication rather than just "acting out" shifts the way we respond to both children and adults.
For children, this shift in perspective is especially critical. Children are kinetic; they experience and express the world through movement and action. Their frontal lobe, responsible for reasoning and verbal communication, is still developing. This means that before they have the words to articulate their feelings, they communicate through behavior.
Even before speaking, babies can express their needs clearly—crying for comfort, reaching for connection, turning away when overstimulated. Studies show that 97% of communication is nonverbal, including body language, tone, and facial expressions. When we view behavior as communication rather than just misbehavior, we become better equipped to respond with understanding rather than punishment.
The Purpose of Behavior
Behavior serves a function. Whether conscious or unconscious, our actions are driven by underlying emotions, needs, or past experiences. Behavioral science identifies four core functions of behavior:
Attention: Seeking recognition or connection.
Escape: Avoiding an uncomfortable or stressful situation.
Access: Gaining a desired item or experience.
Sensory Needs: Responding to an internal or external stimulus.
For example, when a child refuses to go to school, they may not be "acting out" but rather trying to escape a stressful environment, communicate an unmet need, or seek comfort.
Behavior Patterns and Their Origins
Behaviors, like habits, form through reinforcement. B.F. Skinner’s operant conditioning model explains that behaviors followed by rewards (positive outcomes) are repeated, while those leading to negative outcomes tend to decrease.
However, behaviors are also shaped by trauma, environment, and developmental stages:
Children learn by association: If a child learns that crying brings comfort, they continue using it as a form of communication.
Trauma disrupts communication: When children experience neglect or inconsistent responses to their needs, they may develop dysfunctional behavior patterns as coping mechanisms.
Developmental capacity matters: A toddler throwing a tantrum isn’t "manipulating"; they lack the ability to regulate their emotions or express frustration verbally.
Understanding where behavior comes from allows us to meet the need rather than just correct the action.
Recognizing Dysfunctional Behaviors
While all behavior is communication, some behaviors indicate deeper struggles. Dysfunctional behaviors often emerge when a child's needs go unmet or when they have experienced distressing events. Signs include:
Extreme emotional reactions (aggression, severe anxiety, or withdrawal).
Avoidance of responsibilities or relationships.
Inconsistencies in emotions and actions.
Children don’t always have the words to say, “I’m overwhelmed” or “I don’t feel safe.” Instead, their behaviors reflect their inner world.
Shifting from Correction to Understanding
Reframing behavior as communication allows us to respond more effectively. Instead of “How do I stop this behavior?”, ask “What is this behavior telling me?”
Here’s how to approach behavior from a more compassionate angle:
Observe patterns: What happens before the behavior? What need might the child be expressing?
Validate emotions: Acknowledge their feelings instead of dismissing them.
Provide alternatives: Help children develop healthier ways to express emotions.
For example, rather than punishing a child for interrupting, recognize their need for attention and guide them toward more appropriate ways to seek connection.
Learn More
If you or a loved one need support navigating behavioral challenges, contact Cecilia C. Oaks for professional guidance tailored to your needs.